Personally, I’ve never been into the whole “fan girl” scene. I never really understood what obsession could take hold of you over the power of a small five minute video. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I finally caved into watching the beloved O2L videos, and I finally understood that the fan girl inside of me was there. The goofy and surprisingly charming boys were something to look forward too. But there was one in particular that stood out amidst the others. He was quiet, silly, witty, and always amusing to watch. Connor Franta, was someone different than other YouTuber’s. There was such a mysterious charm behind the Monday videos that always intrigued me. It wasn’t until recently that I determined what it was that drove me to subscribe for more. Connor was a mirage of myself.
About two years ago now I was involved in an accident that has had emotional side effects that I still struggle with today, and will always have to deal with. It was depression that crept up at the back door that didn’t want to let get to me but eventually it just grabs a hold of you and refuses to let go, or the constant anxieties fluttering around your brain. The thing is when you always put others before yourself it comes even faster than anticipated. The things that they teach you in Junior High health can’t begin to prepare you for understanding what will happen to your mind frame. Suddenly, you won’t do certain things that you liked to do. Suddenly going outside is such a difficult task you can’t even breathe without thinking something wrong is going to happen. Suddenly getting dressed in the morning involves you rolling out of bed two hours early just to find the right outfit and cake on the make up to cover up all of the imperfections. Suddenly, you can’t walk anywhere with out the chilling sensation of feeling like someone is watching you and judging your every move. Suddenly, all you can feel is your body go numb because you can’t process certain situations any more so all your brain does is implode. Crying makes rain ruts down the sides of your face, because that’s the only solution that you can provide. The light at the end of the tunnel seems unbearably far away… but it is there.
When people say, “WHY can’t YOU just smile for once, NOTHING is WRONG…"
It obviously shows their level of ignorance. That is like telling someone who has just been stabbed thirty times to stop bleeding. Mental Illness is something that effects each and everyone of us. Whether it be a friend, family member or even yourself. The majority of the time you will never know someone is dealing with a mental health issue. I will let you know now, from my personal experience dealing with these things alone SUCKS. The amount of times that I felt like no one could ever understand what was happening, or that they would tell me to grow up, or feel completely uncomfortable was about one hundred percent of my mind set. That’s the thing. When you have that little voice in your head that won’t shut up no matter how much you try to get it to leave you alone is extremely difficult. Moral of the explanation, if you take the time to be there for your peers, you can help them from being stuck in the rut of negativity.
Now for myself this is the topic that I really want to touch on as I have only recently been taught that I need to deal with it and provide myself with more of it. Self Care. Self care, involves looking after you. Not anyone else but you. This is probably one of the most difficult tasks that involves setting time away from your day to find time for just you. It involves taking care of yourself physically and mentally. Eating the nutritious foods, exercising, and most importantly getting a full nights rest. For myself, I had never really thought about having time for just me. Time to reflect on the day and just to take a few deep breaths. It may seem more stressful to set aside an allotted time to do something for yourself, but it is in actual fact something to look forward to. The day seems to be a lot easier to deal with when you are able to function as a human being.
The refreshing feeling of being able to be yourself and be proud of it is something that I hope everyone can feel at one point or another in their lives. I know from my own struggles and hardships it is always nice to know you have people who support and love you throughout the process which makes it a little bit more bearable. The transition that Connor is making right now has never made me more proud to be apart of his fans. The courage it takes to allow someone to take time for themselves is immaculate. The best advice my mother has ever given to me was:
“You always have to chose to do something that you love and that makes you happy. However, as soon as it becomes toxic you have to take a break before it swallows you up. You know sometimes you have to chose your sanity over work.”
I applaud the tremendous act of courage that was taken today by you Connor, we will always love and support you throughout the next chapter in your life. This is only the beginning of your story with many more stories and adventures to add to the plot. Something that we all can take from this is the courage to always take time for YOU. It is one of the most difficult things to ever do, believe me I know. Yet, someday you will look back on that and realise it was the past and you are the threshold-er of your future. Never forget it.
Here’s the link to Connor’s video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9HvKRUnWp8Kids Help Phone:http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/PhoneUs.aspx
1 800 668 6868
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